This Cedar Death Dust Is Killing Me!
Next year, remind me to leave town for the entire month of January. My eyes will thank you.
I live in central Texas. Now, in central Texas, we have one hundred billion-ty allergens hiding everywhere. They sit there all a-hole-like, watching and waiting for you. They know you’re coming out because the weather is gorgeous. You can’t resist. They wait. You come outdoors, take a deep breath and go off to do something super fun. You come home from super-fun, have dinner, chill out, brush your teeth, wash your face, and go to bed. Sucker. They’ve got you.
YOU’VE DONE IT ALL WRONG!
You left the house. You’re screwed. You were screwed when you stepped outdoors and took that first breath. Those allergens are already in your lungs, your nose hair, your skin and you just jumped into bed and cuddled up with all of the little turds. Sleep tight.
I get hit so hard this month. I’ve tried everything. Claritin, Zyrtec, Allegra, Flonase, cedar spray, eye drops, showering before bed, and ice packs. I have no allergic reaction to anything else all year long and then here comes January with my nemesis…Cedar pollen. Cedar says, “Slow your roll, Leslee. You ain’t gettin’ off that easily.” Just another reason January is the worst month ever! I mean, it’s cold, we’re all broke from Christmas, we’re fat from the feasts, and we don’t want to do anything because we are still recovering from the holidays. We just want to be still for a bit. Worst of all, for me, anyway, is the Cedar. It lands right on my face and stays there for thirty days. My eyes and nose will need every bit of February to recover. I have no lashes left. My nose is raw and I’m getting zits from rubbing my face so much! Oh! And I can’t see clearly. That’s awesome when you’ve gotta drive your kids to and from school every day. Imagine trying to see with your eyes full of tears. That’s what I see but there are no tears. I was up at 2 Am, looking for relief. Found some drops in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what they were and I tried my hardest to read the bottle. 2:15, I just went for it. Two drops in each eye. Burned like a mother but they were, indeed, eye drops. Very little relief. Suck it, January. Eat a wiener, cedar. I am dying!!! DYING!!!
586 million-ty Texans are struggling to survive this month. These are real numbers, folks. I would never exaggerate. Please keep them all in your thoughts.
Sorry, not sorry for any grammatical/punctuation errors in this bitchy post but I can barely make out the damn keyboard!