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How Bout That Testosterone?!

How Bout That Testosterone?!

Because I hide nothing from anyone, I had posted on facebook back in January or February about a visit I had to my OB/GYN. It started out with the usual…take off all your clothes, throw this little sheet on with your boobies hanging out the front,  climb up on the paper-covered table and let it and your ass get super cozy because they’re going to be stuck together for the 10 minutes while you’re waiting for the doc. It’s always cold in there. WHY??? They know everybody that comes in there is going to be some shade of naked. Heat year-round should be a thing. Or at the very least, no AC in the rooms. I’d take stuffy over freezing and fresh growing hair on the legs that I had just shaved for this damn appointment. Anyhoo, doc comes in. I LOVE MY DOCTOR! If she ever retires, my lady bits are going to retire too. We’ll just wing it and hope for the best. Lisa Schneider at Hill Country OB/GYN is her name. Go see her if you’re looking. You will not regret it. So, we shoot the breeze while she checks in with the girls and moves on to my…you know. All good. But she starts to ask the questions that she always does and a whole lot had changed since I had answered them last. I hadn’t even realized it. I’ll spare you the details because she asked a lot about my sex life and I’m pretty sure nobody wants that in their head but I told her how f*cking bitchy and angry I was alllllll the time. Downright mean and cold to my husband and with the shortest fuse when it came to my kids. I’d feel like crap after something went down but I couldn’t get a handle on it. It was out of my control. I was only interested in sitting on the couch and watching television. I also wanted to eat alllll the time. I never got full and this is especially shitty when you can’t remove yourself from your couch. Fred kept getting the “it’s not you, it’s me” and I meant it. Sorry, I went there but I just could not have been more put off by bedroom games. ZERO interest. I knew I wasn’t depressed. I just felt BLAH and wasn’t sure why.  So, she asked all the right questions and then sent me off to the lab to have blood drawn. Turns out I had ZERO testosterone and my thyroid was also sitting on the couch and watching Netflix. She was dragging ass and refused to work without proper motivation. This was a problem, no doubt. Turns out, women need small amounts of testosterone too. It’s part of the mix of hormones that keep your mood, energy, sex drive, and bodily functions doing what they gotta do. I had none so things are starting to make sense. I had hope for solutions to a problem I wasn’t even sure was there. So, we go over my options. I started taking a thyroid pill like an 80-year-old would and I end up having a Biote testosterone pellet placed in my butt cheek. It dissolves as it releases testosterone for a few months and then you get a new one. Y’all. It took about a month but holy hell, I am starting to get worked out. I feel sooooo much better. Energy levels are up. I ain’t runnin’ no 10K or nothin’ but I definitely could walk up the hill to go to the pool. I haven’t but I could! I still love my spot on my couch but I am able to peel my ass from it and venture out into the world when I’ve got money. I’m trying to find a pill to solve that problem too but I need to re$earch more. My mood, while still very me, has improved about 85%. I am still very female and I can turn on you at any time. Especially if you tell me you looked for something when I know damn well you didn’t because it’s RIGHT THERE! But thankfully, my fuse is longer and I am not near as easily triggered anymore. If this would have happened in January, I would have made a nasty comment, he would have made a nasty comment back, he’d leave for work on a shitty note, and I’d be pissed or proud all day. I never knew which way it was gonna go. It would lead into the evening and we’d go to bed without speaking. Now, I don’t wanna fight and I feel like I love him more. It’s so weird. But great weird. I swear, I’ve found a new lease on life with this stuff. I’m  more focused on my Rodan+Fields and am putting myself into more than I was. I enjoy reaching out to people to see if they need anything. Do you??? My kids still push every button I have. They’re turds. But I’m able to think before I yell or threaten to throw their monster trucks in the garbage if they’re not out of my living room in two minutes. Now, I’m able to keep my cool until I say something three times. After three times, you’ve been warned and I’m allowed to lose my shit if I want to. Clearly, you didn’t value that monster truck or he’d be safe in your room by now. I’m also willing to put myself out there more, socially. After having the boys, I felt my sole purpose was to be here for them. Nobody could love or care for them like me, I thought. I lost myself and I’m sure some friends because I was stuck at home all the time.  But now that they’re getting older and easier to transport, I’m finding out that fun Leslee is wanting to get out again. Sucks that I’m 43 and still need to be home by 10 to go night night but I AM wanting to go out with my husband and friends. It’s nice. I’ve even made new friends recently and January Leslee was so not into meeting anyone new. So, yay! I’m extremely grateful to my doctor for asking the right questions and figuring all of this out for me. I’m serious about it changing my life. I’m due for another pellet in May and they say by the second one, I’ll be totally leveled out and back to normal. I can not wait. If this is what the first one got me to, I’ll be a gawd-damn DELIGHT by mid-May. A few of you ladies have wanted to know about this, so there it is. I encourage you, if you’re feeling like a drag-ass slug who is ready to go off at any time, to ask your doc if there’s a possibility that your testosterone levels are low. Can’t hurt to check, right? I have no fun way to end this so THE END. Oh doesn’t make your hair grow, my face hasn’t had a breakout, my voice is still the same, I haven’t wanted to wrestle anyone else.


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