Fred is NOT Dead.

Let me start this off by letting you know that my husband and I do not share a bed anymore. Our marriage is fine but to keep it that way, SOMEONE had ta go. You see, there is a snoring problem with one of us and his name rhymes with DEAD. Which leads me to the point of this post…

How do you grieve? Not talking about how everyone thinks you should grieve. But how do YOU grieve? Genuinely curious because I think I will fail if there’s ever a pop quiz.

This morning, I get up at the usual time. I didn’t have to wake the boys because the little turds had already been up for an hour, so I’ve got some time to move slower than most days. Wash my face, brush my teeth, smooth the bedhead down and get myself dressed to take Jack to school. I venture out to the living room to see what fresh hell awaits me because it was loud and all of the lights are on. Again, the boys had been up for an hour already. Anything could have happened. But it honestly wasn’t near as bad as I expected. So, I get breakfast going and call them in. They rush down and complain about being dealt pancakes and cereal so I throw a donut hole in to get them primed for eating. Jack was still pissed that he had plain Cheerios so I poured chocolate milk over it and breakfast was a GO. I give them their vitamins, allergy meds, spray the Nano Pure on their hands. I get them dressed and fix their hair. Fifteen minutes later, they’re upstairs again. I get backpacks and water bottles set up at the end of the counter so Fred doesn’t miss them when he grabs his own backpack on his way out the door to take Jameson. Wait…who??? Where the hell is Fred? He should have had coffee made, walked around staring at his phone for half an hour, and been out of the shower throwing his shoes on by now. So, where the hell is he?

So, here’s where this all comes together. This will give you a peek inside my dark head for a minute. Sorry. I’ll try not to give you nightmares but I figure if you people can handle that Game of Thrones nonsense, you can handle the bloody battles that rage about my brain from day to day. This one isn’t too dark though, I promise. Back to the missing Fred. I check the house first because SURELY he is up by now and doing some Fred thing that could wait another week but he feels it has to be done RIGHT THEN when there are only minutes before he’s gonna be late. Story of my married life. But nope. No Fred. His bedroom door is still closed and it’s 7:08 AM. He has to leave in 20 minutes to get Jameson to school on time. SURELY, he is not still sleeping! Jameson hasn’t been late or absent this year and I’m pretty damn proud of that streak. We ain’t messin’ it up when there are only a few days left. Not on my watch! Ugh. What is he doing in there?! Grrrrr.

Wait a minute. He’s been telling me he was feeling off for the last couple of days. Not off enough to keep him from going to a baseball game instead of work the other day but that’s besides the point, I suppose. But since Sunday night, he’s not been sleeping well (which means he probably only got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep *eyeroll*) and he’s claimed to feel off. *CLICK* What if he’s dead in there?!

My thoughts…No way, He takes too many too many BS vitamins and supplements to die this young. But what if the insane amount of vitamins are the cause of his death?! I know they can kill your sex life by making your vag smell like patchouli or fish but can they murder YOU? If I go in there, is he going to just be sleeping late and tell me he took the day off so we could have a day date? But now he won’t take me because he’s pissed I woke him up?! My coffee drink. He makes me a white chocolate mocha every morning. I NEEDS IT NOW. I’ve gotta go check. Gahhhh!!! Why didn’t I check earlier?! What if he’s dead and I could have saved him if I’d gone in five minutes earlier?! If he is dead in there, will they think I killed him? We’re sleeping in separate bedrooms so it looks like we aren’t getting along. Oh my gawd. They’re gonna think I did it because I don’t grieve right! I’ll call 911 and not be frantic enough! I won’t be in tears when they get here to haul is body away! I’ve seen too many cop shows and I know how they analyze body language and emotions or lack of. I’ll be like Gypsy Rose and do it all wrong! She really did try too hard. I’d know she was guilty even if I hadn’t heard her story. I REALLY NEED THAT COFFEE DRINK!!! I’m not an emotional person at all unless it’s anger. I got anger on lockdown. But sadness…my brain can’t compute. I’m gonna be questioned and have all the wrong responses because my words will fail me and I can’t cry! I need to call Kaitlyn and tell her she needs to be on alert to come to get the boys. How are the boys going to handle this? They’ll be okay. They’re still young. Jack might feel it more because he holds onto things better but we can get him therapy and he’ll be okay for kindergarten in August. Oh my gawwwwd, school! Thank the lord, we finished preschool and don’t have that bill to pay anymore. Holy shit! Bills!!! I don’t know what bills we have! I can’t keep the house running! I need passwords! So many passwords! What’s the combination to the safe again?! I’m totally going to enjoy cleaning that office out though. (*wide grin*) All of these thoughts happen in the thirty seconds it took me to walk from the kitchen to the bedroom door. Okay, I’m going in…

He was in the bathroom. He took a four-minute shower, got ready, and made my coffee drink. He left the house at 7:30. I think I should start my days off with something even stronger from now on. Like anxiety meds or vodka.

Now, can anyone teach me how to emote properly because clearly, I have issues.